Post #4: Black Swan

Soooo, not my prettiest morning face. But taking pictures at 11AM on a Saturday morning is not my idea of a good time. So deal, twaats.

This look inspired by Lanvin FW2009 collection. Dark, sexy, mysterious and hopefully that comes across in the way I put these pieces together.

This is my low-budge version of the Lanvin outfit. Assymetric blouse from Blaque label NYC ($75), ruffle skirt by Eva Franco ($250) and Alexander McQueen "Squeeze It" clutch ($500-ish). It it important to remember that you have to splurge on key or signature pieces. However, an overall expensive out-fit does not guarantee that you will look & feel great. So mix it up.

I remember going on a date some time ago and one of the things that stood out that night was when my date said " You have sad eyes". And if the eyes are the window to the soul, then what are my eyes saying about me?

Disclaimer: This post has been sitting in my draft box since Jan/02/2011 and I contemplated whether I should put all my beeswax out there. But that's the point of a blog.........therapy.

I'm already uncomfortable where this post is going as it strays too close to home for me emotionally. I find comfort and safety being emotionally aloof. But here we go [Wooooooosah]. I came across a song by Katy Perry called "Firework" and liked the song very much, but didn't think anything of it, until I came across the video. That's when my tiny little universe changed. There was something very familiar about the stories she was trying to tell. Like I know exactly what she's talking about, as if she was singing about me and my life. It evoked something very poignant and psychologically dormant inside and it made me uncomfortable. And all I remember was emotions building uncontrollably to the point where tears were flowing freely from my eyes. It allowed me to be a vulnerable little boy again.

At 30 yrs. old, I recognize that I have some emotional scarring from my childhood. I knew I was different very early in my life and I knew my life was going to be difficult because of that. And I haven't been wrong yet. I saw my Dad hit my Mom when I was 9. I had been bullied in school for being feminine, but most kids have experienced that at some point. The only difference is, for many of you guys the bullying and name calling stopped. While I continue to hear every lude, crude, ignorant comment everyday to this day. I also had some self esteem issues because of my sexuality and appearance. I was never the masculine, hot hunky type and I had to deal with that. Hence, my recent fixation with Katy Perry's "Firework" video which moves me to tears every time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw&ob=av2el
This video showcases issues of abuse, sexuality, death, self esteem and self love. WATCH IT.

I've spent the last few years slowly detaching myself from the people, places and things that bring me emotional pain. Now I am surrounded by people who know the real Mario and I've laid my cards on the table for you to take it or leave it. I am currently enrolled in "Self Love 101" and have a couple more classes to go before I get to a point where I can love every single cell in my body. Dressing up is part of that therapy, it creates a new reality. A reality that challenges our ideas of male + female behavior and questions why our society spends so much time defining those behaviors. A reality where I feel beautiful and am surrounded by beautiful people & things. A reality where beauty lies with the beholder.

And so with my head held high and firm on my faggot shoulders, I walk through the city with my psychological gun cocked and swords drawn waiting for you to make your 1st and last move......deuces.

LESSON: We will spend a lifetime loving oursleves. And if you think you're already there, think again. Baby you're a firework.